4th July 2011 to 7th February 2012 is 218 days or 31 weeks or 7 months or it is the amount of time it took from three slightly naive people to register a leisure boat.

NB: If you are thinking of registering a boat there is one caveat to our case that should be stated up front. After buying the boat off a friend (relations are still cordial), we found the details of the engine were different to the details on the paperwork...

So... it all started with Dubizzle. “Oh look they have a boat section. A boat would be fun but they are far too expensive, wouldn’t get AED 30,000 past the misses (the ILPH).” After wondering round the office I mentioned this to G1 and J1. G1 was keen to get involved but a bit strapped and J1 threw his hat into the ring. At this point even with 3 of us AED 30,000 was a bit much so we settled on about AED15,000 for a working boat, engine and trailer; a tall task.

A month went by checking Dubizzle, buying and reading the explorer ‘UAE Boating & Yachting’ and researching. We asked our colleagues around the office about boats and one comment sticks in the mind “The two best days of owning a boat are: the day you buy it and the day you sell it!”

And then we found one listing on Dubizzle: AED 17,500, working boat, engine and trailar and even though it was in Abu Dhabi it seemed promising. I called over the guys as we huddled round the computer we checked it out: boat tick, engine tick and trailer tick. All looked good as we starred suddenly someone said  “Isn’t the G2 from Abu Dhabi in that picture?” “Can it be?” “Yep there’s G2 and his wife, and there’s E driving.” “Oh I know E he must selling his boat I’ll give him a call.” I proceeded to give E a call and he had someone coming that evening. To his credit we managed to postpone all viewing until we could pop to Abu Dhabi.

The next few days required a bit of questioning ourselves how much shall we buy it for, what do you look for in a boat and just getting excited by the fact we are buying a boat. The weekend came G1 and I popped down to Abu Dhabi and was met by E. He showed us round the boat started  the engine. It was used but still in good nick we said yes and offered him AED 15,000 he was a bit taken a back (I think he was after AED 17,500) and agreed.

The next challenges were to get the official de-registration and transfer of ownership paper work and to get the boat back to Dubai. After at least four trips to Abu Dhabi notaries and Abu Dhabi NTA we were done having two rather official looking papers in our hands. Getting the boat to Dubai involved fitting a tow-bar, which my nice mechanic R did, then towing it back. Towing it back was far more eventful then necessary. G1 and I turn up one Wednesday evening. Hooked up the boat and set off. We made it 500m then returned. It just seemed like then boat was a bit loose, was that a normal amount of play...? Now might be a good time to say that this was the first time either G1 or I have towed anything. So we phoned up a few people and they said there should have slight play but not a lot; that raised the next question: was the amount of play we had a normal amount? Well balls out, we set off to Dubai. It was all going swimmingly we kept a good 80 km/h all way back to near Burj Khalifa. We came off at defence roundabout to go over to G1‘s Jumeria villa, proceed to select the correct slip road and slowed down to 50 km/h. The slip road began to rise to the left, in front of me a spied a little discontinuity in the tarmac where slip road finished and the over pass started and then G1 just received a phone call from his girl friend. We continued to advanced over the discontinuity “bump”, the car began feel rather light and I pulled my foot of the accelerator and pulled to the left. Suddenly the boat appeared to our right perfectly balanced on its two wheels nonchalantly rushing pass us. G1 explained the situation to his girlfriend by saying “f***! OH F***!!!!” then hanging up leaving her not knowing what to think. We could only watch as the boat proceed to glance against the right wall of the over-pass then hastily avoid and overtake it as it bdarted back across to kiss the left wall of the over-pass. We and the boat came to rest at the same time. We immediately looked back down the over-pass with our hearts trying to jump out of our chests. At that moment the boat began to inch back down the over-pass  “F***, F***, F***”. We both jumped out of the car to see the boat arrest itself on the half built footpath on the edge of the overpass. Phew! We were both in shock for about two minutes pretty much speechless trying to work out what just happened ignoring the many odd looks from passing cars. Then we realised the police may be along any second, so we reversed, hitched the boat to the back of the car again and gingerly set off impeding a confused and irate driver. 5mins later we were at G1s house still on an adrenaline high with a beer in hand to calm our nerves. We surveyed the damage with timidity but the did not seem to be any; save a a few grazes. How could this be? It turned out that there are several sizes of ball and having smaller than required ball makes all the difference! Thanks must given to God, the smurfs or to anything that helped us on that evening.

We had the boat, the papers and a guide from Kadri link: http://www.kadri.org/boatregistration.htm It seemed relatively simple 4 step process: - 1. Go to the NTA near maritime city with your papers, national ID card and leave with a copy of your registration papers - 2. Go to the Dubai coast guard to allocate a DP number for boat, pick up a gulf bank deposit form for the transponder and a list of required equipment - 3. Fix the numbers to your boat and sail the boat to the coast guard, with AED 7,000 deposit receipt and required safety kit. Have the transponder fitted and leave with the Dubai Coast Guard NOC - 4. Take the NOC back to the NTA, pay AED 500 and leave with the registration card and a smug feeling of success.  So we were in this position back in mid July 2011 and then the following happened and this is the short version:

July 2011: - 2 trips to the NTA to received acopy of our registration papers. - 1 trip to coast guard to receive number. - 1 trip to the boat house to pick up numbers and safety kit. - 1 trip back to the coast with boat on trailer (which we an incorrect we have to driving it in on the water) only for the coast guard to point out that the engine details are different. After investigation into the details it turned out that the previous owner but one had changed the engine and never updated the paperwork with the NTA. The mind still boggles about how the previous owner (my friend, relations are still cordial) registered the boat with the wrong paperwork, maybe the Abu Dhabi branch of the NTA and Abu Dhabi Coast Guard are a bit lax? 

August 2011: - 5 trips to NTA with various conversations and emails to higher people and then to the highest to receive the “email NOC” to modify the details of the engine. - Track down original receipt from previous owner (relations are still cordial). - 1 trip to the coast guard by water! The boat was beautiful on the water and we got up to 62km/h. However we arrived at the coast guard for them to check out the boat, they checked out the boat and questioned the paperwork. We had to get past a double team with one favourable officer (Asef, not his real name) and one officer definitely not (Hamid, not his real name). Naturally we went straight to the favourable Asef and we managed to get out of him “Ok we will ask the major” and we said “Yes, yes ask the major!”. Then the less favourable Hamid cut in “No”. “Pardon” we said “The major must see this very important case.” “No” Hamid said and that seemed to be that. Asef, who could see our fallen faces took pity. We need... what followed was three pieces of paper for the engine and five actions all in Abu Dhabi and keep your registration papers here it will be quicker. We left feeling like we had just hit a snake that took us back to square one.

September 2011: - Started and ended with pondering about this engine and getting the require engine paperwork. “Surely we can fake a receipt?”, “Surely we can buy a new engine?” , “Surely we can get to the major?”, “Surely we can contact the previous owner who changed the engine?”, “Surely....”. “No, we will do it the proper (and painful) way as Asef said.” 

October 2011: - Phone calls did not work so it was off to Abu Dhabi to track down the engine seller from the receipt. Was the engine seller even still in business? After 40mins of creepy going round Zayed port, jackpot the correct work shop was happened upon. The foreman was found and did not want to entertain us for a second. An hour passed of us kind of squatting in and around the work shop badgering the foreman. Eventually the he phoned the last owner but one who changed the engine. We chatted to the local pair of brothers who were initially  cagey but ended up being very very kind. - After a few more emails and telephone conversations getting to the know the Emirati brothers they arranged for the foreman to give us anything thing we needed. - Another trip to Abu Dhabi to pick up the everything we needed. The foreman was annoyed about being cowed and reluctantly handed over “All we required.” We popped into the Abu Dhabi Chamber of Commerce for their stamp and it was back to Dubai.

November 2011: - With the euphoria of miraculously getting the all engine papers we needed, we went back to back to the Dubai Coast Guard. We bounded into the office. The first thing that hit us was the heavy sense of despair in the air; never-mind we thought, we have all the engine papers we need.  The second thing was that Asef had been replaced with Yaseen. Now Yaseen is as nice as Asef but he had never met us before and Hamid was no help still being unfavourable. “You have to bring the boat.” Yaseen said. “We have already. Asef has filled out the required report and he has our registration paperwork. Do you have it?” we confidently expressed. With Hamid still quiet and resisting our glances imploring him to intervene, Yaseen said “Sorry, you have to bring in the boat etc...  the  same old simple procedure that we had already found not that simple, and he had no idea where our registration paperwork was. - Back to the NTA to get a copy of the registration paperwork. - What has not been said so far it that it is a real ball ache (so to write) to drive the boat to the coast guard because it takes the best part of the working day; Dubai Coast Guard only opens 8am-2pm Sunday to Thursday. Thus taking up valuable annual leave. Luckily some annual leave was coming up. The ILPH (yes she had to get herself in somewhere) had friends coming over plundering our Eid al Fitr week. This gave a two day window in the week that we were on leave and it was not Eid. Plans where made. - It came to first of two days to allocated to make it the coast guard for the second time. We were up early with the ILPH’s friends tucked up in bed. Phone calls had been made to ensure that the boat was in order to the other co-owners by this time this was where the boat was biding her time in another Jumeria garage. The ILPH and I arrived had a looksy hitched up the car and set off “To the coast guard!”. As we gentlely crept out of the drive a quiet... crunch! What was that? We stopped just at the point where this snake of boat and car combined was stretched right across the entire road. We got out and looked for the matter. J2 was pointing to the engine, which was still all the way down and extremely slightly propping up the boat by its contact with the floor. “Ah, now bother just lift the engine using the button on the side.” Click        click     click  click clickclick. It turns out if you down not use a boat battery for sometime it becomes a rather heavy doorstop. This left us with a problem. After rather naively taking the boat battery out and trying to charge for our open car battery like some kind of jump start we got a friend’s car and connected it all up and mercifully the engine rose. And that was day one finished. No battery, no boaty boaty with dropped off the boat battery at our car mechanics and entertained our guests for the rest of the day.   -   Day two was another early start with the ILPH’s friends still rather annoying enjoying their beds. Down too our mechanic to pick up a freshly charged boat battery. Over to the boat we fitted battery and lifted the boat engine with ease and a bit of that euphoria was back. We went to the same slipway we used back in August only to arrive to find it had to been demolished! Errrr what to do? There is one nearer the coast guard right on the creek at Shindaga so we headed there. As we approached the slipway we met a sign PRIVATE SLIPWAY. After being in the emirates for three years we know not to take signs at face value and also that this slip used to be free and unrestricted. So we started to reverse down the slipway. By this time all these boast shenanigans reversing was starting to feel natural but time was still being taken. Just as we hit the water the reason for the the “private slipway” business became apparent. The wonder bus was approaching. Heard of it? Nope neither had we but is was getting bigger and bigger as it approached. So like the finest frenchmen we retreated back up the slipway under the heckling from the wonder bus guide on the loud speaker and the gaze of tourists getting more than their money’s worth. The wonder bus guide was understanding and said we had 30 mins until the next interruption. Back down the slipway, boat was in the water, engine lowered, key turned after about 5 seconds of turning stopped. That’s ok this boat needs a bit of loving it took a while last time remember in August. After few more seconds i the engine stopped again and would not restart. After 18hrs of charging the battery last 15 seconds! We know now that this is to be expected you should leave batteries for that amount of time, but just try and imagine our frustration at that time!!!!!! We had failed.

December 2011: - By now we were thinking that not even Hercules would be able to out wit the NTA, Dubai Coast Guard, half of Abu Dhabi and a rather used but plucky boat. Again not to despair a friend of mine was coming over. He was proficient on the seas as he had a boat in the Bahamas and it meant the leave day was taken care of. After a few fraught experiences in the mountains of Musandam we headed down to launch the boat with a new battery. Without checking the weather we headed down to a “fishing village” with a useable slipway. The battery needed to be new as the engine took a bit to get going, but we were off through the jaws of the harbour. The waves were immediately rolling. By that time I had seen the sea off Dubai a lot and even been on it three or four times and this was the roughest I had seen it. We continued directly into the waves and the wind; it was choppy but manageable. As we went further towards Port Rashid and out of the shadow of “the world” the waves began to become more powerful. Up towards the large breakwater of Port Rashid the waves we coming at us more and more powerfully until that wave hit us. Our boat is 5m long and that wave was 3m from peak to tough. That wave pick us up and flung us into what felt like mid-air. When we landed my friend and I look at each other and we did the maritime equivalent of a hand break turn. The further we went from that wave the more the adrenaline ebbed away. We made back to port feeling the lady of the sea had winked as us, lord knows what is it like to sail round the southern ocean!?! We failed. - By this time I had been dispatched to Qatar for an unspecified internment by the company I work for. This has many of disadvantages but one advantage was that of Qatar National Day. As I was off on the Qatar bank holiday the whole of Dubai was hard at work. This provided the prefect opportunity to sail the boat right into the Dubai Coast Guard like the last time in August. There was one problem though it takes two to launch a boat everyone else was at work. There was only one problem I had but with only one body, me, when I needed to two to people. Then the idea came; what I needed was an Indian. An Indian is an interesting thing, where does one go one needs one? Putting indian into google did not work and I needed a specialised naughtical indian to boot. The day arrived and I went to the same “fishing village” as previously and picked myself up an Indian, got the boat on water and the Indian and I were off to see the Dubai Coast Guard. A rather uneventful journey through Deria Palm and we parked up. I marched into the station to see Yaseen and everyone’s favourite Hamid. The perfectly beautiful atmosphere of time standing still was ever present in the office but as by this time I had spent more time with him than his wife I went straight to the  front of the cue. We walked down to the quay and I showed him our magnificent 17ft boat. He was suitably unimpressed and I could tell at the back of his mind why was their so much bother about this puny craft. Yaseen was sold he took his photos and went back to the office. The transponder was fitted and then came Hamid. Hamid’s job is to fill out the few details of the application and then to print out the form to be taken away and given to the NTA. What I mean is that it is the briefest of rubber stamps. Well the stamp was not working that particular day. I begged and pleaded that I have been in Qatar for last month and will be for the next month and do you know how bad Qatar is? Hamid said “No.” Leave the papers here and tomorrow they will be done. I said “I will send a friend tomorrow to pick them up.” “T’mam” Hamid. Need less to say, but I seem to be saying it anyway J2 turn up the next day and the registration papers had vanished.

January 2012: - January came and went with every hour the Dubai Coast Guard being open I was in Qatar.

February 2012: - It was my parents that saved the day. The beauties came over for the week of 5th February. On Morning of Tuesday 7th February I went to get another copy of the registration paperwork from the National Transport Authority (NTA) only to realise it had moved. This was no problem it was like torture. It is not torture that works it is the threat of torture. Well I had been tortured throughly over this boat so it was nothing. After few phone calls I tracked down the NTA, skipped the que, got a copy of my papers and went straight to the Dubai Coast Guard. With the transponder fitted and registration paperwork in hand they could not say no. After serval false starts Hamid handed over the certificate, yes Dubai Coast Guard approval!!!! Dubai Coast Guard approval??? I realise that all but the most tormented people will not appreciate how I felt at that moment and what an achievement it was; I will write again DUBAI COAST GUARD APPROVAL!!!!! A quick trip back to the NTA and AED 500 and... and... I a welling up...  I crying....  and...

On 7th February it was finally registered, two weeks later I am still recovering from the shock!